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Dealing with the Grief of Losing an Online Friend

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There’s still a bit of stigma about meeting people online. I remember people speaking in hushed voices as they said, “We met online,” when asked how they met their spouse. Not me, though. I don’t care what people think. #rebel.

But I have felt the awkward looks and questions when I’ve told them I met my fiancee on an online dating site. We’ve been together for seven years but yes, Karen, raise your eyebrow in surprise as I tell you we met online.

But those things were never the most challenging part about meeting people online. The hardest part was the distance. Sometimes we have online friends across the country; heck, some of us have friends across the world. So I thought distance and realizing someone you played with hadn’t logged in years was the worst part. But as I’ve gotten older, I realized something that’s even harder. And that losing a friend.

Recently a friend of mine passed away. We played Destiny 2 together. He and a group of us have saved the universe from the Cabal, raided for hours, suffered in Crucible, and he came to the rescue when I was stuck on that damn elevator in the corrupted strike.

But what’s more, we talked, shared life stories, and checked up on each other, and now he’s gone. His wife called us to let us know that he had passed because he spoke about us, and she knew he would want us to know. We impacted his life enough that his wife, whom we had never spoken to, knew who we were and reached out. That would make me feel special if  I wasn’t so despondent about it.

But the problem with meeting people online is that you can’t just walk into the funeral when your friend has caught a bad case of death. Even if you do have the money, a lot of families aren’t going to think to invite Jason’s friend “NoobPWNr69.”  Not many people are lucky enough to find out their friend has passed away. Many of us have to see they haven’t logged on in years and wonder what they’re up to. We imagine that life probably just got too busy. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. And sometimes you don’t find out until long after the person has passed.

But where does that leave us? The people they leave behind. As if it wasn’t bad enough that they had o go up and die, they leave us to deal with it. As if my therapist didn’t have enough to deal with.

I hate funerals; they’re kind of depressing; however, I think they’re essential in helping us get closure. So when online friends pass, we must find our own way to honor them.

Apparently, Online funerals are a thing. There’s an entire article on What’s your grief that details how to deal with the loss of a friend. In addition, they have some great suggestions that I plan on implementing.

One website suggests having an online memorial. Maybe a web page you and the rest of his online friends can leave comments on. I liked this idea because it gives you something to go back to and look at.

A New York Times article talks about how grief isn’t a problem to be solved but rather something to be lived through. The article even talks about ways to gently and appropriately reach out to your friend’s family.

But the main thing you should know when dealing with grief is that it’s okay. It’s okay that you missed them, and it’s okay to hurt. Friendships formed online are just as real and as special as the bounds you form in “real life,” and anyone who tells you any different probably never lost a friend they stayed up with until 3 am saving the galaxy.

One thing this ordeal has taught me is that losing an online friend has all sorts of difficulties, but I also discovered that there are all sorts of resources online to help. I’ve even linked some below.

If you take away one thing from this article other than I’m a snarky bitch that deals with his grief with humor, I hope it’s that it’s okay that you’re hurting and you don’t have to do it alone.

With that said, we at The Icon give losing a friend – infinity out of 5. Don’t recommend

 

Grieving an Online Friend: 8 things you should know

New York Times:  How to Grieve for Online Friends You Had Never Met in Person

This is a post by the CDC about dealing with grief during COVID. I feel many steps would be suitable for losing an online friend.

Send me a message. I can relate.

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The Icon Monthly

The Icon Monthly Nov 2022 | Monetizing the News

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I want to make money; it’s a relatable statement. But how we go about making that money is a bit murky. We all (Hopefully) want to make money ethically and without exploiting anyone. There seems to be more ways to monetize our passions than ever. If you’re an artist, you can start a Patreon, use the Youtube Partner Program or create an NFT project.

Depending on who you ask, there are issues with all those options. Making money from your passion isn’t easy, and that goes for me here at The Icon. So how do I ethically monetize this site?

Websites like Bloomberg and Forbes charge you a subscription to read their articles. Which I think is fair. They’re often detailing breaking news stories that took time and years of collecting sources to produce.

But the problem with that is it puts news out of reach of people who don’t have money. Not that a subscription to Forbes is expensive, but if you can barely afford dinner, then subbing to a news site isn’t a priority. But no matter your financial situation, we all need to stay informed.

Additionally, it’s tough to get people to read news articles. Half the time, you’re lucky if people read past the article’s title on social media. Most of the time, at least with my site, people read the title and immediately comment or just read what other people are commenting. The problem with this is that it can aid find misinformation spreading on the internet. Still, when you lock information behind a paywall, that limits the number of people getting that information.

It’s a struggle to get people to click on the article, and getting people to pay to read it is much more challenging. This means people turn to people in the comments and other secondhand accounts to get the information.

On a related note, have you ever played the game ” Telephone?” You get a group of friends and whisper a phrase to one of them, and they’re supposed to whisper it to other people, and once it gets to the last person, you see how much the phrase has changed. Usually, the phrase has changed somewhat. That’s because most people can’t recall exactly what was told in the time it takes to hear the phrase and then repeat it. So the more people the information goes through, the more human error is filtered in.

Same with information on the internet; when we get information secondhand, the person’s biases and interpretation get filtered in, and god forbid, they’re an idiot. If you’re blocked access to the sources of information, you’re denied the ability to scrutinize the data for yourself and to form your own opinion.

*Obama voice* Let me be clear. I don’t think anything is wrong with Forbes and Bloomberg charging money. Still, I believe it puts up a wall that could potentially facilitate spreading of fake news by limiting access to information from people.

For instance, recently, there was a dispute between Platinum Games and the former voice actress for Bayonetta, Hellena Taylor. Hellena claimed Platinum Games only offered to pay her $4000 to voice the title character in Bayonetta 3. However, Paul Schreier of Bloomberg discovered that that wasn’t exactly true through documents and various sources.

He tweeted his article and said Hellena Taylor’s claims were misleading, which some people in the comments said he needed to provide proof. He did. The evidence was in his article, but it seemed most of the comment section hadn’t read it. There were a few who did who tried to explain what was happening. The problem with this is that it’s that person’s interpretation. The others who didn’t read the article were losing out on the ability to scrutinize the information for themselves.

Again Bloomberg is great, and their prices are more than reasonable. But writing something and putting it on social media is 50% hoping people read past the title, 45% defending yourself against people who didn’t read past the title and begging them to do so, and 5% wondering why you even bothered.

And as much as we hate tactics like clickbait, if it didn’t work, sites wouldn’t do it. We’ve all done it, given in curiosity, and clicked on a clickbait article. However, I think clickbait is a toxic practice and breaks the trust you’re trying to build with your readers.

With all this said, I wanted to devise a way to monetize  The Icon while avoiding some of the pitfalls mentioned above. And remember, we’re not as big as Forbes or Bloomberg ( yet), so our founding needs aren’t as vast.

We will try to avoid pay walling content and instead offer optional ways to help fund us.

We’ll have to build trust with our audience, and that means giving them the information they need without clickbait and without adding a bunch of padding to the article. This means some articles might be short, or some information doesn’t need to be articles at all and will instead be a Twitter post. Posts will have critical information immediately at the beginning of the article. We want to keep you all moving forward, so we don’t want you scrolling for necessary information. We want you to get the information you need and decide if you want to keep going.

We’ll employ ads, but we’ll keep them from being intrusive, and additional funding options will be optional for those who enjoy our content and want to support us.

It’s easy to say all of this now. But creating something and making money from it has a slew of struggles, some I’ve spoken about and some I’m unaware of. So, we’ll see.

 

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Video Games

The Icon Monthly Oct 1st 2022 | Burnout in Video Games

Discussion about experiencing and overcoming burnout in video games.The Icon Monthly is a monthly letter from Editors that sest the tone for the month to come.

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In the mid-2000’s Xplay did a bit where they said Adam Sessler was leaving to do his own show called “Meet the Sess” with the tagline: “The fun Stops Here.” But, of course, Adam wasn’t going, and there was no show. It was a part of a bit which basic concept could be boiled down to “What if shows about video games were more like shows you’d see on CNN and Fox News?”

Ironically, over a decade later, I feel that’s precisely what many video game content creators, including myself, have done. Created content about video games that’s full of anger, contempt, and devoid of fun. But unlike Meet the Sess, this isn’t an April Fools Joke; there is no punchline.

I feel like so many of us wanted video games to be taken more seriously that we overcompensated and swung the pendulum in the other direction. Please make no mistake; I know how messed up the video game industry is. Rampant labor disputes, sexual harassment, corporate greed, and that’s not even mentioning issues of the games themselves, such as stagnation of content, an overabundance of microtransactions, and major corporations buying every studio they can.

These issues shouldn’t be ignored, and I think they need to be focused on more. I think looking at the industry through rose-colored glasses and not talking about serious issues is a problem in the community.

But for me, there needs to be a balance. So we have room to talk about serious issues that face the community while remembering that video games are meant to be fun.

Everything doesn’t need to be so serious all the time. Yes, talking about crunch in the industry needs to be handled with care, but that same type of tone doesn’t need to be carried over to, let’s say, a review of Pokemon Snap.

I believe video games can capture the feeling of whimsy better than any other art form. Yet, I noticed all my content, whether it be video or article, was handled with an air of deadly seriousness.

Eventually, I went over a year without posting. Then it hit me. I  fell victim to something you always hear about in the news but never think it’ll happen to you. Burnout.

And not just with video games but with technology too. Yes, these industries have their issues, but there are bright spots too. Bright spots I lost the ability to see.

But I’m not here to blame this on a toxic industry or communities. As a journalist, my job is to tell stories from all over the community, good and bad. I also have to remember just how big the video game industry is. Some indie companies are taking strides to fix the problems that a lot of the bigger companies have cultivated. There’s innovation and creativity abound out there. There are good people and fun to be had in the big industry and in indie games.

I think that’s the point of video games, to spread joy, and in turn, I want to try to spread joy by talking about it. So I want to talk about and discuss the bad things while also leaving room for the good.

After all, even something like politics that has implications that affect all of our lives has shows like The Dailey Show and the Colbert Report.

I want to take a lighter tone and focus more on the positivity in the community, even if I have to search for it. But the bright side, I don’t think I’ll need to search for it hard.

Ironically now that I’m leaving my burnout, I realized I just burned out I was and for how long.

It even showed in our logo.

Just words,  not that different from CNN or Fox News. I wasn’t happy talking about games, and it showed.

With all that said, where do I go from here? I’m now taking precautions to keep myself from burning out. I’m not going to try to emulate some misguided idea of what talking about video games should be because teenage me was so desperate to have video games taken seriously.

Instead, I’m going to be ok taking breaks from talking about video games and taking time actually to play them and, if I’m lucky, actually enjoy them.

Video Games and technology are still fun; even though I lost sight of that for a while, I want to focus myself and The Icon on that in the future.

And to anyone experiencing burnout, please remember it’s ok to take breaks; if you’re able to, you should. Hopefully, with time maybe your joy can find you again too.

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Lists

10 of the Best Video Game Companions

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It’s too dangerous to go it alone, so we take these video game companions with us. There used to be a time not so long ago that the idea of having a companion in a video game would turn some players away. However, times have changed, and video game companions – when done right – can help enrich the story and gameplay.

 

Don’t want to read the list? Watch it here:

 

For this list, we’re including companions that are controlled by the computer for majority of the game. So, though you may play them at some point, the lion’s share of the companion’s controls comes from the computer.


10: Ghost

Eyes up guardian. Some ghosts might be scary but not your friendly Ghost. In Destiny, the ghosts accompany the wielders of the Traveler’s Light, also called Guardians. The Ghost that follows you around has a surprisingly large personality for such a small package, never short on words when it comes to speaking up for or just plain talking for you. Ghost also heals you when your health is low, revives you if you die, hacks any device that needs hacking, and scans anything that needs scanning.

Though the Ghost is a bit of a McGuffin in the Destiny universe, it makes up for it with its personality. Even if Ghost is pretty much just a floating eye, it’s still very expressive. Without the Ghost, your Guardian would be lost, just ask Cayde-6. Too soon?


9: Claptrap

Claptrap is sassy, spunky, and out for blood. So, of course, in Borderlands 2, when he follows you around, you have no problem with it. His witty retorts and his constantly calling you his “minion” keeps a smile on your face. But, he’s not purely there for comic relief. He also helps you hack your way into new areas by opening doors and bringing down barriers.

Easily one of the most beloved characters in the franchise, if you’re going to wonder around Pandora, make sure this fella is with you. He’s the last of his model, which makes him unique with a thirst for revenge.


8: Miles “ Tails” Prowers

Tails probably sports the least sophisticated programing out of anyone else on this list. Essentially all he does is follow you around for the most part, but that doesn’t mean he’s not useful. And, obviously, we’re not talking about Tails when he’s being played by another person as Player Two, just regular Tails following you around.

Though he may not seem like much, he is very helpful. How many times have you been playing Sonic, got hit, your rings go everywhere, and they start to disappear before you can get to them. But, before they vanish, Tails grabs one for you. Or, you’re fighting a really hard boss, last life and no rings left, and Tails scores the final hit for you, saving you from having to start over.

Tails needs more credit. He’s an immortal companion who doesn’t get in the way and helps you from time to time. What more could you want?


7: The Star Fox Team

…everyone except Slippy. F*ck Slippy.

Your real companions, Peppy “ Do a Barrel Roll” Hare, Falco Lombardy, and later on, Crystal are actually good. They may ask for a helping hand from time to time, but they always pay it back in kind. You’re awarded extra points and sometimes access to secrete areas and routes if you keep your entire team alive. This adds an extra challenge without being too annoying. For the most part, they just fly with you, trading witty banter. Good thing there isn’t another member of the team to bring you down.

Though all in all, the members of the Star Fox team don’t do all that much, the game wouldn’t feel the same without them being there. They help suck you into the game and make the world feel more developed. With them, the game is fun, but without them, you miss their presence. Even in worlds where they aren’t physically there, it’s nice to still have their commentary.


6: DogMeat Fallout 4

Who’s a good boy? Yes it’s Dogmeat. Dogmeat is a good boy. Of course, man’s best friend is on the list. Dogmeat has no owner for Dogmeat is a free elf – I mean – dog. With his unparalleled senses, Dogmeat can track a scent for miles. Not to mention, if you have the Attack Dog perk, Dogmeat will occasionally bite and hold on to enemies, giving you a chance to shoot them. Also, Dogmeat is the cutest. Just look at ‘im, so adorable. In a world as harsh and cruel as Fallout 4’s, it’s nice to have a friendly, furry face to rely on.

Though he’s not about to use a weapon like some of the other companions, he still tends to be players’ favorite because, well, he’s a dog, and dogs are better than people.


5: Ignis, Gladiolus and Prompto Final Fantasy 15

Just a few bros going out for a bachelor party road trip when – uh oh! – the car breaks down. Then, the groom’s father dies as his kingdom is is taken over and destroyed.

Let’s face it. You as Noctis would be totally lost without your 3 friends, especially Ignis who acts as your den mother and resident cook. The game requires you to utilize the skills of each of your allies and brothers in arms, even taking control of them for brief periods of time. Because of Final Fantasy 15’s real-time battle system, you have to rely on and work together with the rest of your team to defeat enemies. But, where things really shine is the character development. As the story goes on, you build a connection with each character to the point of missing them when one of them is gone. The part where you have to play without your friends or your weapons makes you feel really naked and vulnerable.

A huge part of the game hinges on the development of these characters for both story and gameplay reasons. For the most part, the game does a good job of making them feel like your teammates and not an overly long escort mission, except for one part later in the game, when you have to take care of Ignis after he’s injured. Though, this is a bit more forgivable because it’s for story reasons …but only a little.

They’re constantly urging you on and pushing you to be the best you can be, just like brothers should.


4: Trico, The Last Guardian

The Last Guardian comes from the makers of Shadow of the Colossus. You play a boy as he wakes confused in ruins and finds a bird-like dog-thing, named Trico. The game is about Trico and you (the boy) trying to escape.

The developers spent a significant amount of time making Trico as believable as possible. In the beginning, Trico is weary of you and hesitant to follow your commands. But, as you go through the game, he begins to trust you and starts to listen to you more easily, even doing some actions without the need for you to tell him. This is a game that is essentially about you building a bond with Trico. There’s no meter or UI to show Trico’s level of trust. It happens gradually and naturally over the course of the game. You give Trico commands by shouting and pointing for where the creature should go, and this is a slow process.

The Last Guardian requires you to take your time and figure things out. Trico is an accomplishment. It’s movement, mannerism and AI are very believable, so it’s easy to build a connection as the game goes on. It’s that connection that is the driving force behind the game. You want to protect Trico and keep them safe from harm. So, it makes it all that much more rewarding when you notice that Trico begins to show affection for you.


3: Ellie, The Last of Us

In The Last of Us, you play as Joel, a man who loses his daughter at the beginning of the game. So, 20 years later, he’s a bit more than reluctant to look after Ellie. Joel’s relationship with Ellie challenges him in everything from his beliefs to his morals (or what might at times seem like a lack thereof).

The Last of Us is a story-driven game that is fueled by Ellie and Joel’s relationship. In order to pull this off, Ellie, who is an NPC for most of the game, has to be as believable as possible, not just in cut scenes, but in actual gameplay. They pull this off successfully. She’s helpful in fights, at times even killing enemies.

It never feels like she is a problem or gets in the way. And, what’s more, as the player, you begin to care for her, so when you do have to do things for her, it feels less like a chore. However, one issue in the game is that in order to keep Ellie from becoming a problem, as long as you’re telling her to hide, she’s invisible to the enemy AI. This is great on the one hand, but it pulls you out of the game when you see her walk in front of an enemy, and they don’t react. But, that’s a small complaint, especially in the face of just how amazing Ellie is.


2: Elizabeth, BioShock Infinite

Classic story of guy meets girl, guy saves girl, guy realizes girl can protect herself. While in battle, Elizabeth will search the area and give you extra money, ammunition and other resources. And, she can handle herself in a fight, so you don’t need to worry about her. You honestly feel like you’re working together while observing her.

There’s been talk about how Elizabeth should be playable and the main character of the game, but I don’t think  those things are mutually exclusive. Booker, the playable character of the game, is like a mask the player slips on and off. We know next to nothing about him because he’s a vessel to watch the story unfold, which is Elizabeth’s story. We watch her grow and get stronger as the game goes on. I feel like so much of her character would have been lost if she herself were playable because this is her story, and essentially, as the ending shows, she’s really the primary protagonist, not us. So, though she isn’t playable, she is the main character.

This game wouldn’t be the same game and would be significantly less enjoyable if not for Elizabeth.


1: Atreus, God of War

Boy, Atreus, combines the best qualities of both Ellie and Elizabeth in one package, and it was a huge risk for developer Santa Monica Studios. I’m pretty sure we were all a little scared when we saw the new God of War had a companion. It was such a departure from the previous games, and for a series known for its fast-paced action, there was a fear that adding a companion would slow the gameplay down.

But, our fears were unfounded. The game was amazing and arguably the best in the series. Atreus can fend for himself, and he’s there for most of your battles. The bond you build with him is the focus of the game. How Kratos and Atreus play off each other is entertaining to watch. In the beginning, Atreus starts off inexperienced and rough around the edges. As the game progresses, he gets better and becomes more reliable in battle. His long-range bow attacks are a nice compliment to Kratos’s closer melee-heavy combat style.

Unlike Elizabeth however, it’s just not Atreus’s story that is being told here, it’s the story of both Kratos and Atreus. One of the most exciting moments in the game is when Kratos explains his past and the change in Atreus’s attitude. The game’s bigger moments are complimented by smaller moments, like Kratos telling stories while he and Atreus travel by boat. The game could have easily been called God of War: Father-Son Simulator. Their relationship is interesting and keeps you wanting more.


I hope you enjoyed this list of the top 10 best companions in video games. Next time you’re feeling lonely because you’re stuck at home during a pandemic, pick up one of these games and build a loving friendship that can’t be rivaled – or at least can help you forget for a while.

 

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