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3 out 5

Review: X-Men – Apocalypse

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With the recent release of the latest installment of the mutant superhero saga, one can’t help but ask: Where is the demand for more X-Men movies?  

 

Full disclosure, the night before seeing X-Men – Apocalypse I did get quite inebriated with friends, but so what – last couple weeks of college!

Well that and the fact that I was trying to distract myself from all of the final papers that I have been avoiding. After all, how can I be expected to write about the relationship between family and politics in Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus when there are so many craft beers I have yet to try. And by craft beer I mean Miller High Life and Budweiser.

That being said, I did was a bit nervous walking into the theater. As we all know, 3D movies and hangovers do not go well together… usually.

friendsOn this particular morning, with this particular hangover, in that particular reclining theater seat, I was transported to a simpler time: the days of Saturday morning cartoons. As soon as the Marvel Studios logo flashed on the screen accompanied by the X-Men theme, I shouted, “Fuck a hangover!” and cracked open a beer.

I was then escorted out of the theater by a pimple-faced usher and an all too handsy security guard. I guess that mom sitting next to me wasn’t bluffing when she said she’d have me thrown out if I didn’t stop trying to offer her kid beer. Sorry I don’t like drinking alone – that’s just not who I am. 3dglasses

But jokes on AMC because I still had my 3D glasses and The Angry Birds Movie had only been playing for ten minutes. So, without further ado, my review of The Angry Birds Movie

I’m kidding, obviously, but not about the cracking open a beer – AMC is a surprisingly chill theater. They’re not like a regular theater; they’re a cool theater.

Now, all joking aside, here are my thoughts on X-Men – Apocalypse:

First, how the hell is Bryan Singer, the director, still working? Have we all just forgotten about that whole underage sex scandal thing that he was caught up in right before the release of X-Men – Back to the Future? If so, allow me to jog your memory: Bryan Singer was accused of sexually assaulting omgmultiple under-age teenage boys. It was big news for about a week but nothing ever came of it and everybody just seemed to move on. In fact, most people have the same, “Oh shit, I forgot about that” reaction when the story is brought up. Well, I haven’t forgotten, and it makes watching his movies pretty difficult – especially ones that are so focused on good looking teenagers in spandex. Now call me crazy, buy I think I might be noticing a trend.

Second, did Singer final cut on this movie, because in what world does an X-Men movie clock in at around two and a half hours? I understand having a lot of characters usually means a longer run-time, but my God. Also, most of the characters were not even that well developed. So what was the point of the 40 minutes worth of character introductions: “And here’s this flat, boring character that will pop up every so often, but show absolutely zero growth or change as a human being.”

 *cough* Storm *cough*

danceMy third and final point is my disappointment for Oscar Isaac’s performance. Not only is one of the best actors alive nearly unrecognizable under all of the makeup and prosthetics, he also phones in his performance. Sure, the character, Apocalypse, might have been a little flat, but I mean come on Oscar, where are those sparks we saw in Sucker Punch and Ex Machina?

These points aside, X-Men – Apocalypse is one hell of a ride, albeit a flawed one. Sure, some of the dialogue scenes are a bit long, but so are the big, loud, over-the-top action sequences. And, no, it is by no means the best X-Men movie, but it sure as hell isn’t the worst. Plus, since it takes place in the 80’s it does have some pretty kick-ass outfits, hairstyles, and song choices. So in that sense, it might actually be the best X-Men movie.

3

 

My name is Steffan Carlson. I am an English major at DePaul University with a concentration in Creative Writing.

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3 out 5

War For the Planet of The Apes: Review

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 “Cesar is Legendary, Visual Spectacle But Story Falls Short”

 

The film opens fifteen years after the biohazard cure to Alzheimers, created by Will Rodman (James Franco) in Rise of the Planet of The Apes. Now humanity is on the verge of extinction and the Alpha Omega platoon, an extremist branch of the military, is putting up a misdirected fight for the survival of man kind. The first scene of the movie was the first and only scene of all out war between apes and humans which falls short of my expectations.

I thought the film was good, and according to Rotten Tomatoes it was almost perfect, rated at 95%. But this score is inflated and I can’t find out why so many critics haven’t seen what I’m seeing. Andy Serkis obviously steals the show as Cesar and the audience is forced to root for him the entire time until Colonial (Woody Harrelson) gives a sob story about his son, which doesn’t hit home for me. This isn’t what “Planet of the Apes” should be because I don’t have a choice to be on “team human” because the film chose for the apes for me.

First, the film completely demonizes the United States military. Not that there aren’t any discrepancies in the culture of the United States military but in the universe of this film they are the equivalent of Nazi’s. This sound’s extreme but their base was the equivalent of a death camp, making the apes work and planning to exterminate them afterwards. They don’t give the antagonist, the Colonial a name, making him out to be a robotic dictator. They do chant’s and war cry’s which resonate with the First Order in the new Star Wars series. I don’t think I am naive saying that most human’s don’t act like this and their specific cause for war isn’t clear. Will killing all the apes bring back the human population? No probably not, and it’s troubling that the only solider, Preacher (Gabriel Chavarria) who seems like he could sympathize with the apes undergoes no change. Even in the emotional stand-off with Cesar (who sparred his life) he is going to shoot the ape showing man kind’s overall downfall.

The apes seemed more human then the human’s which was a dark side to this movie that wasn’t supported by character development but by stereotypes and extremists. Finally, the ending may have been salvaged by writer/director Matt Reeves introducing the rest of the United States military, showing that the ape killer Nazis were not affiliated with them. But again the humans are demonized as white coated soldiers attempt to shoot a harmless, unarmed Cesar. But the apes win because of the avalanche, which seems metaphorical for the course of nature defeating evil but who know’s? What I would prefer is the message of acceptance and progressiveness from the arriving soldiers, maybe having them guide the apes to a safe haven. Instead, what is given is the theme of segregation and no the unified consciousness between the humans and the apes.

Yes, this movie is visually stunning and the actors/actresses did a phenomenal work giving an authentic performance with the burden CGI and motion capture. But I cant overlook a three-hundred pound gorilla riding horseback, or the apes making a cross country expedition in two minutes to some safe “dessert” as quoted in the movie. There were a lot of general aspects to the writing which strayed from what the series did the past two films. This series strives for realism, but was so conventional in doing so. The Colonial kills Cesar’s wife and son which is typical stake building, and I didn’t care for the characters enough to mourn.

I got a lot of the apes confused, and the only two I could identify a character with were Cesar and Bad Ape (Steve Zahn). There was also this notion that some of the apes betrayed their own kind for the promise of survival by the Colonial. This didn’t seem strong enough for me to turn apes against each other. Especially, when Red Donkey (Ty Olsen) whip their fellow apes and how they are treated by the human, having offensive names written on their back. If these apes are so smart, there is no way they could possibly think survival would come of turning on their own kind for the extremist group which hates apes. The only way this would work is if there was a line Cesar was crossing, in which he never does because he remains peaceful and protective of his fellow apes.

I thought this movie was entertaining and visually stunning to see at the cinema. But it lacked plot specificity and the time lapsing between the events make it less appealing. There was not much “war” and strategy but more figuring out how to escape the work/death camp. This was so drawn out that it would serve better as an HBO series, in which there would actually be a war with numerous battles and effective character development. A visual spectacle and entertaining film, but not a very compelling story.

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3 out 5

‘Saga of Tanya the Evil’ Episodes 5 and 6 Review

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 Cuteness has its perks.

Spoilers ahead.


As I mentioned in my previous review on ‘Saga of Tanya the Evil’, the only aspect of this show keeping me intrigued is Tanya herself. And she continues to do so, but in a new and charming way.

Episode 5 starts with Tanya selecting people to join her mage battalion. She does this alongside Viktoriya, and I’m still wondering why they are the only two women you see in the entire show. Again, I don’t really think the time period would accept women in the army, but this is an alternate reality, after all.

Anyway, Tanya puts the soldiers through some very intense training. Imagine having to dig a hole, hide in it, and wait 36 hours until bullets stopped firing down on you. Imagine marching for hours only to have an avalanche come down and bury you. Even though the training is extreme, everyone comes out of it alive, and after a month, Tanya has a mage battalion.

Much to her dismay, of course. She’s in shock that the soldiers continue on.

With her new battalion on hand, Tanya is sent to battle. However, since the enemy has no mages on their side, the battle is easily won. Think a full-fledged army versus a 50-man mage battalion. That’s how easy it was.

And Episode 6 shows Tanya’s strides in growth as she manages to scare away a fleet of bombers from battle. You wouldn’t think a little girl would be terrifying, but you have to keep in mind that this is Tanya Degurechaff we’re talking about. She’s fierce, fantastic, and fearless. Unless we’re counting Being X as a fear, then that’s a big one for Tanya. I still find it interesting that God, or Being X, is portrayed in a rather terrifying manner.

Possessing people is one thing, but just the way he holds conversations is nightmare fuel.

I think I’ll actually raise my rating to a 3.2 out of 5. The war terminology is still confusing, and I get so caught up in action that I don’t hit the pause button to read people’s military titles. There’s so many characters, but the only ones that are memorable are Tanya, Viktoriya, and Being X. Tanya especially continues to make this show as great as it is. Because kids are already scary, but this one takes the cake.

 

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3 out 5

‘Akiba’s Trip’ Episode 6 Review

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Stand back everyone, the robot’s got this.

If you thought ‘Akiba’s Trip’ couldn’t get any weirder, well guess what. You were wrong. Tamotsu has a new love interest, and she (it?) comes in the form of a computer…robot…thing.

After Tamotsu has issues with his WinMadOS computer (hm, I wonder where they got that name from), he decides to build his own computer. However, he forgets the most important part. Every computer needs an operating system, of course!

Cue La-san and her cuteness as she convinces Tamotsu to install an AI-driven operating system. This AI takes the form of a cute girl that Tamotsu lovingly names Pyuko. Even though in English it would seem the name sounds like puke. But whatever.

Tamotsu becomes very obsessed with this AI program, even wishing that he could take Pyuko with him to explore Akiba. However, La-san fixes this problem and makes it so that the computer, along with Pyuko, can move, becoming a small robot.

This leads to some weird sequences of Tamotsu and Pyuko exploring Akiba together. Akiba’s an interesting city in and of itself, but a kid walking around with a robot and interacting with it isn’t really normal.

Matome is pretty jealous of how much attention Pyuko gets from Tamotsu, but this all changes when the Bugged Ones appear in the shape of other computers. I won’t go into details, but a noble sacrifice is made by one of the characters in order to save the day.

So for now, I’ll raise my rating a bit to a 3 out of 5. There wasn’t actually a lot of stripping involved in this episode, and it took an interesting twist for once, rather than following a linear plot. Although, I feel like this episode really called out all otaku in regards to AI girlfriends or waifu obsessions. Also, how is Matome not dead yet? Like, does wearing one sleeve of a jacket still count as being clothed? Interesting.

 

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